Can't Get a Date

Dear Coach,

I've never had a boyfriend and the last time I was asked out on a date was almost 4 years ago. Lots of men (friends, strangers, etc) always tell me that I'm an awesome person and are always surprised at the above statement. So how come I'm not getting asked out? What am I doing wrong?

Signed, The Coolest Person They'll Never Date

Dear Friend,

It is interesting that you say that men tell you how great you are, but that none of them are asking you out. This leads me to believe that there is something about that relationship dynamic that isn’t working towards a romantic relationship. It is likely that you are a great gal and guys love being around you, but they like being around you like they like being around other guys. Do you often feel like you’re just “one of the guys” or do they refer to you as such? If that is the case and I’m assuming that it is then you have to find some way to not be “one of the guys” any longer. You need guys to see you as feminine who would be a good complement to their masculinity.

There are a few key things to this:

1. Carry yourself like a lady. Don’t slouch or hunch over when you’re talking to them. When you walk be smooth in your motion and not clomping like a construction worker.
2. Have lady-like manners. This would include no burping, flatulence, nose-picking or discussion of bowel movements, etc in front of guys. Of course there are others, but those are the basics.
3. You have to need him in your life. I imagine that from all these years without a man you’ve probably become very strong and independent. There isn’t much in your life that you need a man for besides the relationship type of stuff. Well, that won’t work for him. Even if you don’t need help opening a jar or hanging a picture ask your romantic interest for some assistance. He needs to feel needed and a really easy way to let him know that you do need him around is to ask for little things that require muscle or tools. They need to feel significant and valued just like you do. If you’re using a saw for example let him give it a try or show you some tricks. Even if he’s absolutely awful with it don’t joke or mock him. Complement him even. Don’t like or be unauthentic, just let him know that he’s more manly than you are.
4. Don’t be desperate! At this point you might feel pretty desperate, but you are not. You’re capable of a life on your own, but you want that other half. Enjoy what your life is now and that you have the freedom of only worrying about yourself. Casually let him know you’re interested, but don’t beg him for a date.
5. Ask him out. After you’ve done your best to try these things if you’re really interested then ask a guy out on a date. But for him to ask you on a second date try to show him your feminine side.

In no one am I suggesting you play games (especially in point 3), but I’m giving you tools to attract the man you want. Try these things and then just have fun with life. You are going to find the right guy at the right time for you so don’t stress just yet!

Much love,
Your Coach