Kids Using Drugs

Dear Coach,

What are good punishments for your children that are caught drinking, smoking pot, or doing any other type of drugs? How do I get through to my children that all of these things are bad and can lead to other and more serious things?

Mom in Need

Dear Friend,

Yikes. That is a scary situation for any mom and it would be so difficult if not impossible to not freak out. With that said, that’s what I’m going to ask you to do. Do not freak out or your kids will write you off as, “Oh brother, mom’s just freaking out about nothing again.” Stay calm, but be absolutely serious, to the point of being scary. After you find out, take the necessary time to regain your composure before freaking out. Even if that means just giving them a temporary grounding until you decide on the appropriate punishment. Once you’re calm sit down and talk with them. Find an emotionally safe place for both (or all three if there are two parents in the picture) of you and simply ask them what is going on and what motivated them to partake in the specific substance. Be calm, loving and understanding of their answers. They might express pain that they’re trying to escape from, they could just be trying to fit in or perhaps it was just a momentary lapse in judgment. Be understanding of how they’re feeling. Of course you know better since you’ve been through it all in your life, but they are trying to find new ground in their life. Help them find alternatives if they are using the drugs to fulfill a need.

As for letting them know how serious drugs and alcohol can be let them know your feelings. Don’t get crazy emotional on them, but just be very specific about how their decisions impact you and what you’re afraid of happening to them. Tell them the serious consequences you’ve seen happen from drug abuse in your life. Don’t admit your own history of drug use (this will only give them permission), but do share in the things you’ve seen happen to friends or family. The more serious and traumatizing the better to get through to them. If the problem is more serious with your child there are scared straight programs in many communities. Expose them to the consequences and be sure the consequences are fair. If they end up in jail do not immediately bail them out. Let them stay for a night and see how they like it. Just as it is with us adults some will learn better from the experience of others and some will have to learn the hard way.

Just remember to always love your child and give them support in their learning process, but do not enable their destructive behaviors.

Much love,
Your Coach